I’m not God. I guess that seems obvious now that I typed it out loud. But the way people judge me as a Christian, I think they must be expecting Jesus rather than a mere mortal.
Yeah, OK. There are people who have messed this whole Christian thing up for me by A) being pretty decent human beings and having no huge visible sin, therefore fooling the non-Christian public into thinking we SHOULD all be like that. But, hey, everyone messes up. EVERYONE. B) Being total turds and doing things “in the name of God” that, in reality, are breaking God’s loving heart. C) Not trying to learn or grow. Period. Not being loving, kind, helpful… but even that all takes practice.D)People who believe that I’m up on some moral high horse and shun me.
Well, here’s the deal. I can’t “approve” of sin. If God says it’s wrong, I believe him. No, silly, you can’t say that since the bible was written thousands of years ago, it’s antiquated and out of touch with the times. It’s hard, it’s confusing sometimes, it rubs people the wrong way; but it’s right. When God inspired the writings of the bible all those years ago, he already knew the future. God is timeless. He is unchanging.
Having said all that, God loves sinners. He doesn’t want us to go on doing stupid, ugly things…things that disappoint and anger him. But we are so dear to him it’s incredible. I cannot fathom it. So I try to follow after and spread that love around. (when I’m not moody and dark and struggling with depression I do a much better job of that).
Which brings me to this heartbreak: someone I love has decided to stay away from me, in errant belief that my Christianity would cause me to shun him. Nope. I love you. I love you and that is that. I might not love what you do, but I love you.
I make mistakes, too. I hope that isn’t all I am. I want to be loved through this process I’m in. I’ve been so many people in my lifetime. I’ve been judgmental, prejudice, mean and nasty sometimes in certain circumstances. I’ve been selfish and bitter…I’ve not always been honest about everything. No high horse here. Just little ole me.
Ironic that you have rejected me thinking that I would reject you. The bible says love is stronger than death. My love might not be up to that level, but it’s steady.
I might get mad sometimes. I worry. There is never going to be a day on Earth when things will be perfect. But I love you! And that’s not going away.
So you have left me because you thought that I would leave you. A preemptive strike. And I’m extending an invitation to be part of my family again. My crazy, chaotic, beautiful family, with all our breaks and tears and messes.
You might as well come out of your shell. This world is a hard place. You can’t hide away forever from people who will look down on you and disagree. I’ll be a place to run. I’ll be a comforter. I won’t agree with what you’re doing, but I will always protect you.
So, what’d’ya say? Now that you see I’m standing here with open arms?