My three year old grandson, little Jesse, is going to come and live with me soon. He’s been in foster care for more than two years. I’ve never met him. He only lives 5.5 hours away, but that might as well have been a different country with all of my struggles the past few years. Not only that, but social services wanted to keep him close to his parents so they could visit. I agreed that was a good idea. After all, what we all wanted more than anything was for my son and the baby mama to get their stuff together and be reunited with their son. However, the mama’s addictions and her upbringing have held her like a bear trap. She has just not been able to get free or STAY free for more than a few months at a time. My son, Jesse, has been in and out of prison. Currently it’s IN. Hey, God’s not finished with them yet.
I was going to tell you not to judge, but if you are inclined to do so, that’s between you and God. Just remember that everyone has a story. I’m probably going to say that again and again as I blog along. It’s what I learned so many years ago, and it caused me to look deeper and with a merciful eye before jumping to conclusions. After all, I have been judged harshly, criticized regularly, and rejected by even family for my choices, whether or not they were mistakes. Sometimes that’s a matter of opinion. But going back to my grandson…
Social services has agreed to have the foster family set up Skype so my grandson and I can have some face time. This is so heart rending in so many ways. He has gotten close with the foster family and they have fallen in love with him. His biological parents really do love him, but the FEELING of love is not enough. The action of love is what is required, and that just hasn’t happened yet. He is going to have his world turned upside down again when he comes to live here, but at least his older brother, Xavier, is already here and will be a nice buffer for him.
I don’t know how to handle the fact that his mama has decided to move to my area so she can be a regular part of his life. I’m rooting for her; but so far, no good. I remember how she and my son brought such chaos to my home when they stayed with me years ago. I don’t want that. I don’t want drama with her. I don’t want her to be an everyday part of my life. I do not want her, as much as I care about her, to mess up my babies’ lives. This is tough. I really don’t know how to handle it. Yet. Sending up prayers. HELP! What should I do?
Who is going to play me in the movie? (ha ha) I have to think of this as a story sometimes to cope with it. I remember that things might look bleak in one chapter, but with the turn of a page, everything can change. Hopefully for the best.
Lord, have your way.
Little Jesse when he was an infant